With the New Year's holiday come New Year's resolutions, and a very common resolution for people to make is to get more physical exercise for the purpose of getting our bodies back into shape. This is certainly a good thing; we need to take care of our bodies since they are our vehicles for experiencing life in our current incarnations, and without a body on this world we would not be able to pursue spiritual practice. But physical exercise can also function as a form of moving meditation, transforming a merely physical exercise into a spiritual exercise as well.

Some forms of exercise are obviously designed to be both a spiritual and meditative practice as well as physical fitness, such as yoga or tai chi. But really any kind of exercise can integrate spiritual practice into it, with some thought and creativity. Instead of watching the TV at the gym while on the treadmill or the stationary bike, read a spiritual book, or listen to one on CD or spiritual music. In an aerobics class, focus all your awareness on the movements, and try to synchronize your breathing with the moves, much like in a yoga practice. Recite a short mantra with each repetition while lifting weights or doing sit-ups or push-ups, etc. Develop a chant or prayer while walking, jogging, or running. These are just some ideas to get you started. Like any other good habit, it will take practice to not just incorporate some of these ideas, but to stick with them over time. Most importantly, do something you enjoy so that you will continue the practice, both physical and spiritual, and you will eventually get the body, mind, and soul into better shape.

I'm feeling much better than last week. I'm over my cold, and actually started feeling a lot better Sunday. I even felt well enough to check out the Kadampa Buddhist Temple in Arlington Sunday morning, which I really like the services there, and then I had lunch with my parents in Mansfield. Dad and I did our annual Christmas shopping for Mom.

Our Christmas party/lunch was at Boi Na Braza today. We also got Christmas bonuses. This is the first company I've ever worked for that actually gave out a true bonus for Christmas. Considering all the work I've put in, I think I earned it. We got to go home early afterwards, so I finished my Christmas shopping after work.

The Magdalene Circle Feast Day party is Saturday, and I'm helping +Yonah with the Mother & Child ritual. He pretty much relies on me to design the Holy Day rituals for him; he has a hard time coming up with new ideas in that area. My mom was the type to always plan parties for school with the PTA and stuff, so I grew up with that sort of creativity, it's second nature to me. Theme parties are something I'm good at planning.

I am liking this Kadampa Buddhist group though. I went to another meditation class Tuesday and stayed after for dessert at the Cosmic Cafe and to talk to the monk and learn a little more about Buddhism and their Tradition. Every I've met has been really nice so far. I definitely want to go to their New Year's Eve Tara chanting "retreat." It sounds cool, and you can do as much or as little as you want or whatever fits into your schedule. That's another thing I like about them - they are realistic when it comes to life and everyday schedules of Westerners.

So right now, I plan on doing their classes on Sundays and maybe another day during the week, whatever retreats or day courses that I can, and do gospel study with MC via Skype. It just makes more sense to be involved with a local spiritual group; you just can't really be a member of a community that's over 200 miles away. And that's something I've been really struggling with for the past year or so.

I'm sick. I think it's a cold. I hope it's just a cold, I really don't want a sinus infection. My boss let me go home early today since I'm not feeling well.

I posted this to Facebook already, but I am pretty sure I broke the middle toe of my right foot last Wednesday morning. It was dark and I misjudged where the suitcase laying in the middle of the bedroom floor was, and ran right into it. Then I had to fly to Chicago and walk around downtown on a broken toe. Not fun. I think today is the first day I can walk without limping, at least not very much. Just when I was getting back into yoga too.

Obviously all physical activities are on hold for me right now.

I gave the dinner blessing for Thanksgiving this year, since we had it at our house. I did warn the family it would be a Sophian blessing and unconventional. But for once I could actually say my prayer out loud instead of in my head while trying to block out the fundy version some of my family members do...and it's about time a woman got to give the blessing! Here it is:

Heavenly Father and Holy Mother,
we thank you for everything you've given us.
Please help us to be grateful for and accept what we do have,
and not covet that which we do not have.
We thank you for the Christos,
and we pray for the enlightenment and liberation of all beings.
Hallelu Yah
Hallelu Imma
Amen

My mother-in-law actually said she thought it was beautiful. That was a surprise.
Blessings,
Renee

Since no one is going to show up anyway, I'm canceling the party. There is just no point in having it.

As a matter of fact, I'm never going to try to throw a party again, because no one ever shows up. Obviously, I have no friends, with the exception of Misty.

This may very well be the last post I make in LJ. I don't think anyone reads it anymore either, so why bother.

This has to be the funniest product shipment notification email I've ever gotten:

Your order has been gently taken from our Fire By Riz shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your order and polished it to make sure
it was in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over
the crowd as he put your order into the finest gold-lined box that money
can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party
marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of
Tampa waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in
our private Fire By Riz jet on this day.


I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at Fire By Riz. We sure did!
Your picture is on our wall as 'Customer of the Year'. We're all
exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to Fire By Riz!!

While we work towards expanding our consciousness through practices such as meditation and ritual, the ultimate goal is to always practice awareness, not just at specific times set aside for practice. This leads to the question, how do we do that at any particular time in any particular situation? This series will explore the different areas of our every day lives when we are not sitting quietly and undisturbed in meditation or participating in a Sophian ritual.

Getting a new Toyota Prius hybrid car and driving it a few times initially got me to thinking about awareness. If you've never driven a hybrid before, it's a very different experience than driving a regular gasoline car. I've found that this particular car has made me much more aware of my driving habits (and those of other drivers on the road as well). This car has a meter that constantly tells you if you are using just battery power, or battery and gas, or even if you are using more gas than is really necessary, effectively making you aware of the ways you waste gas when driving unconsciously. Interestingly enough, this realization lead to other thoughts on driving with awareness.

Think about your typical driving experience. It's probably so commonplace for you that you don't even really think about it any more. Do you really put all your focus on the road during your daily commute to and from work? Or are you distracted by other thoughts, such as what ever is on the radio at the time, or all the things you have to do at work, or errands you need to run, or how your day went? Or maybe you're even doing something you know is potentially dangerous and an accident waiting to happen, like talking on the cell phone? Are you really in the present, or thinking about the future or the past instead? It's distractions like these, along with impatience on the road, that lead to all the many rush hour traffic accidents that happen nearly every day in every big city. But if everyone focused on the present, and their driving as opposed to all the other distractions, how many accidents could we prevent?

I'm not suggesting we all drive without our radios on; there have been plenty of long drives home from Circle where my music kept me awake and alert enough to keep me from falling asleep at the wheel. And I'm not perfect; I feel road rage on the commute a lot here in Dallas. The key is to recognize when we are distracted or feel angry or impatient at the traffic or other drivers who are not practicing awareness, and come back to our own driving awareness ourselves, without any judgment. If we do this every time we drive, we will be spending a large chunk of our time practicing awareness everyday, all the time.

So we had the spiritual retreat that I've been spending the past few weeks preparing for this weekend. Overall I think it was a success. There were times that were a lot of fun, and other times that were very emotional for everyone participating. The weather only partially cooperated, but the alternative arrangements worked out just fine. Thankfully all the stuff that needed to be done outdoors was done on Saturday when it didn't rain.

Ray picked up Misty from her apartment after he got off work Friday and brought her to our house to spend the night. We got up at 6am Saturday to be on the road by 7am so we could get there at a reasonable time and not miss too much. Actually it turned out we didn't miss anything; we were the last ones to get there, but people were arriving at so many different times that +Yonah did start the opening prayer until after we got there. We had a total of 15 campers, plus Karl and his wife who joined us for most of Saturday but who stayed at a B&B because his wife didn't want to camp.

Karl started off with his prayer stick making workshop; +Yonah initiated some new members in the Order of St. Michael; I followed with my Order of MM ritual which included laying out a sacred circle of the 12 stones listed in Rev. chapter 21, invoking the names of the Divine Feminine while laying out crystals in the center of the sacred circle and four directions, smudging, wedding feast, and a dance of the Woman of Light from Rev. chapter 12; JT lead what I would call a Viking drinking ritual for Uriel; and Haniel consisted of my fire dance (which I've been planning on doing for 2 years now), storytelling, and dancing around the camp fire. We did the pinata afterwards, and it turned out to be a really tough pinata. Once we finally got it broken open, we found out why - it was made of cardboard instead of papier mache.

Sunday we got up and ate breakfast, and right when we were finishing, it started to rain. We hurriedly packed up everything and tore down the campsite. The original plan was to stay at Krause Springs in their covered area, but I was concerned about the road out of there flooding out at a low spot and all of us getting stuck there. So we left and finished out the retreat at +Yonah's house. I think that worked out much better, everyone involved was warmer, dryer, and much happier with the decision. It rained all day (the forecast obviously changed since we checked it Friday). Sunday's activities were much more emotional for most involved and included the remaining Orders of Tzafkiel, Rafael, Lazarus, and Gabriel. We initiated two new members in +Yonah's living room via the sprinkling method (most practical given the situation), and those of us who wanted to were initiated in the Order of Gabriel as Navim. Amy closed out the retreat by leading a chant of the Middle Pillar names.

Overall it was fun and enlightening, even if the weather was dreary.

I know this is a month away, but with the way people get booked up for events, I thought I would throw this out there now. Halloween is on a Saturday this year, which makes it more convenient to have a Halloween party. So who wants to join us for a party at our house this year? Treats, drinks, and an excuse to dress up!

I can't believe this. I get home and see a box on the front porch. I pick it up, and it's the box for the pinata that I ordered for the retreat in two weeks, only to find that someone opened it and stole the pinata! What a low-life. Now I can't have packages left on our front porch anymore, because we apparently have a thief in our neighborhood who steals people's mail.

I am not sure what to do now. Should I call the pinata company and ask for another one?

Ray and I are going to the State Fair tomorrow for his birthday. We're taking the train all the way in to the Fair. Anyone who wants to meet us out there is welcome to join us.

Afterwards we're having sushi at Sushi Rock in Plano. Again, everyone is welcome to join us for dinner. Contact either of us for more information if you want to meet us for dinner.

1 Oh that thou wert as my brother, That sucked the breasts of my mother! When I should find thee without, I would kiss thee; Yea, and none would despise me.
2 I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother's house, Who would instruct me; I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine, Of the juice of my pomegranate.
3 His left hand should be under my head, And his right hand should embrace me.
4 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, That ye stir not up, nor awake my love, Until he please.

She wishes that the king were like her brother or her spiritual equal, so that others would see them as such, instead of the Divine Feminine being less than or subordinate to the Divine Masculine. If they were treated as equals, then they could unite in the bridal chamber. But the Divine Feminine is not respected in this culture.

5 Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, Leaning upon her beloved? Under the apple-tree I awakened thee: There thy mother was in travail with thee, There was she in travail that brought thee forth.

Those who are watching the love-play wonder who this woman is, since they do not recognize the Divine Feminine. The Mother brought forth the Son, and the Daughter/Bride awakened him in the garden, in the place where he was born.

6 Set me as a seal upon thy heart, As a seal upon thine arm: For love is strong as death; Jealousy is cruel as Sheol; The flashes thereof are flashes of fire, A very flame of Jehovah.
7 Many waters cannot quench love, Neither can floods drown it: If a man would give all the substance of his house for love, He would utterly be contemned.

Love is a very powerful emotion and more important than anything physical and material.

8 We have a little sister, And she hath no breasts: What shall we do for our sister In the day when she shall be spoken for?
9 If she be a wall, We will build upon her a turret of silver: And if she be a door, We will inclose her with boards of cedar.
10 I am a wall, and my breasts like the towers thereof Then was I in his eyes as one that found peace.

The little sister is one who is not yet spiritually mature. She has two choices as she matures. She can either be like a wall or a formidable fortress, difficult to attain and saving herself for the Logos, or she can be like a door who will let anyone in, in which case those in power will try to bind her in a spiritual prison. The woman chose to be like a wall, and so found peace in her Beloved, the Logos.

11 Solomon had a vineyard at Baal-hamon; He let out the vineyard unto keepers; Every one for the fruit thereof was to bring a thousand pieces of silver.
12 My vineyard, which is mine, is before me: Thou, O Solomon, shalt have the thousand, And those that keep the fruit thereof two hundred.
The woman is content to have her own vineyard, and is willing to let Solomon keep his own.
13 Thou that dwellest in the gardens, The companions hearken for thy voice: Cause me to hear it.

The king asks to hear the woman’s voice from the garden, so that his friends can her it also. The Shekinah is something to share with others who are ready, and not something to hoard to oneself.

14 Make haste, my beloved, And be thou like to a roe or to a young hart Upon the mountains of spices.

She tells him to hurry to the mountain of spices, inviting him to her.

The last two weeks at work have been exhausting and stressful. Groundwater sampling for three days the week of Labor Day, in the heat then in the rain, and a very long day sampling in Longview on Tuesday. I had to get up at 3am to be on site at 6am for that one. Not fun at all. And I got eaten up by chiggers again on one of the sites. They are finally starting to go away.

At least the weekend was fun. Had my performance with the Dead Girl Circus at the Hub Theatre in Deep Ellum Friday night. I did two dances, one with wings of Isis and the other with a veil. I felt much more polished with the veil, but everyone really liked the wings. Just goes to show that you really don't have to do much to impress an audience if you've got a large, flashy, impressive prop. I pretty much improv'd the wings dance. At the end of the show I got to use my new palm candles and zills at the same time. Takes a little coordination but it works. I'll definitely have to do that for the drum circle at the MC retreat next month.

Next I need to plan the dances and ritual I'm going to do for the retreat. Definitely going to get my fire dance choreographed, and another wing dance. And I can do these same dances with the Dead Girl Circus the following weekend, so the retreat will be my practice run. This weekend I got the last of the stones I need for the ritual. I found a metaphysical and crystal shop in Arlington that carries some nice stuff. I'll have to go back sometime.

Saturday was Tony's birthday party, which was a pirate party in honor of "talk like a pirate" day. I brought rum runner and some bottles of rum and mai tai mix, and there was plenty of other stuff there too, mostly rum of course. I also got to get caught up with Tommy and Chris Cykana who I haven't seen since high school, so that was cool.

Trying to get caught up on my studies as well. One of my classes has a lot of books to read for it and I had no time for any of that when I was out in the field so much. Hopefully work will settle back down for a while. At least I'll get plenty of reading time while flying to Arizona and back on Thursday.

I'm performing with the Dead Girl Circus 10:30 tonight at the Hub Theatre in Deep Ellum. I'll be doing two dances, plus part of the fire show at the end. If you're looking for something to do, feel free to drop on by.

1 How beautiful are thy feet in sandals, O prince's daughter! Thy rounded thighs are like jewels, The work of the hands of a skilful workman.
2 Thy body is like a round goblet, Wherein no mingled wine is wanting: Thy waist is like a heap of wheat Set about with lilies.
3 Thy two breasts are like two fawns That are twins of a roe.
4 Thy neck is like the tower of ivory; Thine eyes as the pools in Heshbon, By the gate of Bath-rabbim; Thy nose is like the tower of Lebanon Which looketh toward Damascus.
5 Thy head upon thee is like Carmel, And the hair of thy head like purple; The king is held captive in the tresses thereof.

The king complements the woman again, on both her beauty and her strength. She is like an inaccessible ivory tower that holds even a king captive. Her hair being like the color purple suggests royalty.

6 How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!
7 This thy stature is like to a palm-tree, And thy breasts to its clusters.
8 I said, I will climb up into the palm-tree, I will take hold of the branches thereof: Let thy breasts be as clusters of the vine, And the smell of thy breath like apples,
9 And thy mouth like the best wine, That goeth down smoothly for my beloved, Gliding through the lips of those that are asleep.

The king finds a way to reach her and cleave to her.

10 I am my beloved's; And his desire is toward me.
11 Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; Let us lodge in the villages.
12 Let us get up early to the vineyards; Let us see whether the vine hath budded, And its blossom is open, And the pomegranates are in flower: There will I give thee my love.
13 The mandrakes give forth fragrance; And at our doors are all manner of precious fruits, new and old, Which I have laid up for thee, O my beloved.

She invites him to the garden, accepts his love for her, and gives him her love in return. She promises to unite with him the garden, the bridal chamber, which she has been preparing for him. They are equals in the garden together.

1 Whither is thy beloved gone, O thou fairest among women? Whither hath thy beloved turned him, That we may seek him with thee?

The other women ask her where to look to try to find her beloved.

2 My beloved is gone down to his garden, To the beds of spices, To feed in the gardens, and to gather lilies.
3 I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine; He feedeth his flock among the lilies,

She tells them he is in the garden, which she also represents.

4 Thou art fair, O my love, as Tirzah, Comely as Jerusalem, Terrible as an army with banners.
5 Turn away thine eyes from me, For they have overcome me. Thy hair is as a flock of goats, That lie along the side of Gilead.
6 Thy teeth are like a flock of ewes, Which are come up from the washing; Whereof every one hath twins, And none is bereaved among them.
7 Thy temples are like a piece of a pomegranate Behind thy veil.
8 There are threescore queens, and fourscore concubines, And virgins without number.
9 My dove, my undefiled, is but one; She is the only one of her mother; She is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and called her blessed; Yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.
10 Who is she that looketh forth as the morning, Fair as the moon, Clear as the sun, Terrible as an army with banners?

The king’s earlier compliments of her are repeated. She is called unique and the chosen of the Mother. She is more enlightened than other women, and both beautiful and powerful.

11 I went down into the garden of nuts, To see the green plants of the valley, To see whether the vine budded, And the pomegranates were in flower.
12 Before I was aware, my soul set me Among the chariots of my princely people.

The king returns to the garden to see if it is in bloom. The mention of the chariots is reminiscent of Merkabah mysticism.

13 Return, return, O Shulammite; Return, return, that we may look upon thee. Why will ye look upon the Shulammite, As upon the dance of Mahanaim?

The women want him to return, but he asks them why they wish to look upon him, as if they were spying on him.

1 I am come into my garden, my sister, my bride: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk. Eat, O friends; Drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.

The king accepts her invitation, and invites others to partake in the wedding feast with them. And so all may become united in the bridal chamber of the heart.

2 I was asleep, but my heart waked: It is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled; For my head is filled with dew, My locks with the drops of the night.
3 I have put off my garment; how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet; how shall I defile them?
4 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, And my heart was moved for him.
5 I rose up to open to my beloved; And my hands droppeth with myrrh, And my fingers with liquid myrrh, Upon the handles of the bolt.
6 I opened to my beloved; But my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone. My soul had failed me when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer.
7 The watchmen that go about the city found me, They smote me, they wounded me; The keepers of the walls took away my mantle from me.
8 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, If ye find my beloved, That ye tell him, that I am sick from love.

The woman is asleep; that is, she is not yet consciously aware, and yet her heart or True Self that is connected to God is awake. Because she wanders outside in ignorance, archonic forces attack her while she searches for her true love, which is the Logos. They remove her mantle and shame her, and she asks other women for help.

9 What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest among women? What is thy beloved more than another beloved, That thou dost so adjure us?

The other women ask why this man is so important to her and what is it that sets him apart from other men.

10 My beloved is white and ruddy, The chiefest among ten thousand.
11 His head is as the most fine gold; His locks are bushy, and black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves beside the water-brooks, Washed with milk, and fitly set.
13 His cheeks are as a bed of spices, As banks of sweet herbs: His lips are as lilies, dropping liquid myrrh.
14 His hands are as rings of gold set with beryl: His body is as ivory work overlaid with sapphires.
15 His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: His aspect is like Lebanon, excellent as the cedars.
16 His mouth is most sweet; Yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

The woman compares him to various precious materials, mostly focusing on his physical appearance, caught in the material world.